Parenting is not always easy and it doesn't necessarily have to be as hard as we make it out to be. Most people are not thinking of some key points when initially wanting a child. Some people have children out of the love they have for the person they are with. Some have children wanting to carry on the legacy of the family name. Some people have a deep desire for wanting a child, for one reason or another. Let's think back, to when you not only conceived your child but the months prior and months after having your child. What thoughts were running through your head? What were the conversations like between both adults? What was the experience like? Trust me I am getting to a point. The question I pose today is, in your raising of your child or the reason for you wanting a child; does it have anything to do with how you were raised? Does it have anything to do with how your parents treated you, or whether or not your parents left or stayed? How about a traumatic experience?
Was your desire or lack thereof for wanting a child had anything to do with any cracks in your foundation? Are we raising our children based on the way we were raised and not fully operating in the life and parent they currently have, while preparing them to be the mother, father, husband, or wife they need to be in the future?
Has anyone said or thought of these things...
I can't wait to have a baby, I'll never treat my child like my parents treated me
I can't wait to have a baby of my own so that I can love them and they can love me back
When I have a child I will never beat my child or toss them to the side
When I have a child I'm going to spoil my child with love and affection because I never got it
When I have a child I am not going to spoil them with things and be absent
When I have a child I am never going to drink or do drugs like my parents
When I have a child I am going to be a perfect parent and have a real family with both parents
When I have a child I am going to be my child's best friend
When I have a child they will never live in a toxic environment
I'm going to show my parents I can be a way better parent than they can ever be
Has anyone's reasoning been for the following reasons...
My mother/ father abandoned me
My mother/ father abused me
My molester hurt me
My abuser hurt me
All I ever did was watch my brother and sisters(or relatives) how hard can it be
I thought we would get married
I thought this relationship would last forever
My child would never leave or disappoint me
I had so many abortions I couldn't do another one
Mature or not these are real statements and thought processes of so many
I have a successful career, money, house, spouse... I guess this is the next thing to do
I am getting old, who is going to take care of me
Are you raising your child based on an environment they have never lived in? Are you doing more harm than good? If you are raising your child in a spoiled environment, do they have the tools necessary to survive without you in the event you pass away today? Are they respectful, have grounded morals and character? You do know this will take them places money can not. If they never face consequences for bad behavior, how will they ever respect authority? Just because you take 6 months to finally react, that doesn't mean the people in this world will. If you left this world today, how will your child survive? If they are small children who will take care of them( if both parents are passed away), are they in the position to do so? Do you have a will in place? If not, you are already ill-prepared. Have you held your child's hand so tight that if you let it go they will be lost? Again, are these unintentional behaviors based on the cracks in your foundation, from your childhood.
Are you really doing your child a service or disservice?
Passion in the heat of the moment fades away. Unhealed places get passed on in most cases. New errors do occur.
Parenting is not always easy and it doesn't necessarily have to be as hard as we make it out to be. Let's just make sure we are thinking things through completely and doing self-examinations regularly.
"There's always so many angels and point of views to look at in regards to raising children and being a parent. The question is are you willing to look at them all and have the serious conversation." - Alston Shropshire