A Kiss from Rose | Don’t Wait Until The Funeral To Prove You Cared

3 days ago

4 min read

If you had two minutes to speak over the casket of someone you love, would your relationship be recognizable to the people who loved them most?

Let me ask you something that might make you uncomfortable, but sometimes the truth needs to sit us down for a minute.

Imagine you’re standing beside the casket of someone you loved. You’ve been given two minutes to share your memories, tell your stories, and explain what this person meant to you.

You start talking about the good old days. High school. College. Childhood memories. Weddings. Parties. The things you experienced together.

But as you speak, you notice people looking at one another.

Somebody leans over and whispers, “Who is that?”

The person’s children don’t recognize you. The immediate family doesn’t know your name. You may have to go back twenty or thirty years before somebody in the room can connect you to a memory.

NOW, LET THAT SINK IN.

You thought you were a friend. You thought you were still in the loop. You thought the relationship was intact because you had history.

But when was the last time you called?

When did you last check on them—not because you needed something, not because it was their birthday, not because homecoming was coming up, but simply because you wanted to know how they were doing?

Do you know what they’re going through today? Do you know their children? Do they know yours? Have your lives continued to intersect, or have you been holding on to a memory of a relationship that stopped being nurtured years ago?

HISTORY IS NOT THE SAME AS PRESENCE!

You can know somebody from the age of ten and still become a stranger to the person they’ve grown into.

You can have a hundred stories about yesterday and know almost nothing about their today.

And sometimes, the hardest truth is realizing that you were once an important chapter in somebody’s life, but you haven’t been present for the chapters that followed.

Life is lifing. We have jobs, families, responsibilities, health concerns, and a thousand things competing for our attention. Nobody gets every relationship right. Sometimes there’s a card you meant to send, a phone call you forgot to make, or a visit you kept postponing.

There’s a friend who deserves a call. A person you’ve been meaning to check on. Someone you love, but somehow, weeks have turned into months.

And yes, people make time for what matters to them—but sometimes people also get overwhelmed, distracted, and caught up in living.

That’s why intentionality matters.

James 4:14 reminds us that we don’t know what tomorrow holds. And Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us there is a season for everything.

The point isn’t to live in fear of losing somebody. The point is to stop assuming there will always be more time.

Stop allowing pride to keep you from reaching out.

Stop letting old disagreements become permanent distance when reconciliation is possible.

Stop treating a relationship as though its history alone will keep it alive.

And please, don’t save every kind word, every expression of gratitude, every apology, and every acknowledgment of someone’s impact for their funeral.

WHAT GOOD IS A BEAUTIFUL TRIBUTE TO SOMEONE WHO CAN NO LONGER HEAR IT WHEN YOU HAD OPPORTUNITIES TO SHOW THEM WHILE THEY WERE HERE?

Of course, speak well of people who have passed. Honor their lives. Celebrate their legacies. But don’t let the funeral become the first time you publicly acknowledge what someone meant to you.

Call them now.

Send the card.

Make the visit.

Ask about their children.

Remember the important things.

Say, “I appreciate you.” Say, “I’m sorry.” Say, “You crossed my mind, and I wanted to check on you.”

And understand this: being intentional doesn’t mean every old relationship must return to what it once was. Some relationships have changed for good reasons. Some require boundaries. Some may not be safe or healthy to reopen. You can honor someone’s place in your history without forcing access to your present.

But where love remains, where reconciliation is possible, and where a simple phone call could make a difference, WHY KEEP PUTTING IT OFF?

You don’t have to be everybody’s best friend. You don’t have to maintain every relationship at the same level. But you can be more thoughtful about the people who helped shape your life.

Because one day, when someone asks what that person meant to you, you want your memories to be more than stories from a lifetime ago.

You want to remember the calls, the conversations, the laughter, the encouragement, and the moments when you showed up for one another.

DON’T JUST HAVE HISTORY WITH PEOPLE. MAKE SURE YOU’RE PRESENT ENOUGH TO CREATE SOME MEANINGFUL NEW MEMORIES, TOO.

And if someone has been on your mind while reading this, maybe that’s your cue.

Don’t wait for a casket to give them their flowers.

GIVE THEM THEIR FLOWERS WHILE THEY CAN STILL SMELL THEM.

“I never sent the card. It slipped my mind. I got to make it right. Cause the guilt of not doing for my friend while she is sick makes the mirror hard to look at, especially, while I do for others. Miles may have us apart. Crews may temporarily separate us. But the pat we made still live rent free in my head from 9 years old.

I’ve never left anyone behind, nor will I leave you. From playing Double Dutch, blue black hair rinses, relaxers, cooking cheesesteaks and cheese fries on Vernon Rd, eating chicken littles from KFC on Stanton Ave., weddings, and burying spouses. We run too deep. I will forever be your friend, whether near or far, Shorty by Sporty, we are FAM.” - Alston Shropshire